Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
