Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
