I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
