Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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