I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
