You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
