there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
