Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
