I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
