now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
