my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
