okay pat passed out under dana's car
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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