i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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