can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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