im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
