I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
