i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
