okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
