my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
