Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
