i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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