he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
