you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
