Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
