Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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