I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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