I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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