were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
