What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
