when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
