We're facebook friends in real life
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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