It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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