ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want her autograph on my taint
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
