I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
