dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
