so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
