I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
