i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
