Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
