I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
