that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
