He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
