everyone is single if you try hard enough
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
