Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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