My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
