The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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