I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
there is puke in my bra ... again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
