Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
