we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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