I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
