Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
