I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
