Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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