I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
